Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Awkward Gym People

Let’s see if I have the brain power to actually write something this morning.  The past week or so has been so nuts I haven’t had the time…  Ok, I’ve mostly not had the energy to jump on here and churn anything out. 
Currently I am sitting at my desk at work, awaiting the arrival of 6:00 AM, so I can put on my headset and get to work.  I’m also sitting very still because my body feels like it got hit by a train made of MMA fighters, then tossed in to a lake of car accidents.  Ok maybe I’m blowing that up a bit, but it still sounded good in my head.  I’ve simply been pushing myself really hard at the gym lately and am feeling the effects.  Speaking of the gym!
Have you ever sat back for a moment, maybe in between reps, and just watched people?  Especially the guys over on the free weights, they crack me up.  Here are a few of my favorites (all based on people I’ve recently witnessed at my gym):
1.       Noob guy whose trying not to look like a noob.  Now this gentleman walks in and feels a little unsure of himself, he’s probably new to the world of working out (as I am…So I’m pointing at myself here too) and wants to make an impression on the dudes and babes in the room.  So he wanders over to the free weights and picks up a couple 45’s and proceeds to “work out”.  His teeth grind, muscles tense, he grunts hard after the 1st rep and… Let’s out a dainty toot to signal that he is now finished for the day.  Noob guy then drops the weights and scurries out of the gym hoping that nobody noticed is donation to the air supply in the room.
2.       Too much wiggle in the walk girl.  This young lady is clearly a master of fitness.  She has all the right clothing, and shoes, and head bands, and everything a super fit crunchy girl would need.  However, now that she has been coming here a while, she feels the need to show the noobs coming in that she is the hotness and proceeds to assault the room with an array of hip motions that are clearly unnatural and rather disturbing.  Not that I was taking the time to stare at this girl in a “sketchy” manner, but the utter exaggeration of EVERY movement made me feel like she might actually think she is jogging on top of the ocean.  It’s like she was trying to throw her own hips out of socket.  And to seal the deal, she steps off the treadmill and walks out using the same technique, with one hand propped on her hip, and then trips over her own feat and nearly plants her face in some poor unsuspecting old man’s sweaty chest nest.
3.       Lordy Moses, I am a sexy man, man.  This guy is by far one of my favorites to watch, simply because he just cracks me up.  I overheard him talking about how he spends nearly 2 hours a day lifting weights, which is great!  I’m not dissing that, but when I saw his workout routine I quickly figured out why it takes him so long.  Now this guy is clearly BUILT.  Huge arms, huge legs, a chest that could probably house 8 sets of lungs and the heart of Andre the Giant.  The guy  has clearly been doing this a while, and it was VERY easy to tell that he was rather proud of his giant manliness.  He would select weights that were far beyond any of the other guys in the room, do a set of reps, grunting and groaning the whole time just so everyone knows he’s working really hard, and then stand and start flexing at himself in the mirror.  And OH what a romance it is…Every…Single…Time.  I think I might get him a set of roses to give to himself for being so gosh darn sexy.  Maybe he’ll work up the courage to ask himself out someday. *tear* They just grow up so fast!
Now I share all of this in good fun because I’m sure I have some weird little quark that people have noticed (like the guy on the treadmill directly behind me, who probably witnessed  retrieval of an epic wedgy) and then go home to blog about the strange nooby at the gym who sounded like he was a dying moose after 30 minutes.  Such is the road to good health!  Fun and awkward!  YAY!